Wednesday, April 17, 2013

Another Door Closed








I've been spending some time in the backyard flower beds and garden boxes. It is so healing to be out there. These last few weeks have been really rough ones. Another door has slammed shut on my Montessori classroom. It seems we need to have a driveway in order to comply with the township regulations to have any kind of childcare in our home. Alas, we do not have a driveway. It makes no financial sense to add one so I'm back to the drawing board.

I've been praying a lot lately. Asking for guidance. The theme that comes through is TRUST. It is one thing I have a very difficult time obtaining. I am a bit of a control freak. I don't know why. I don't like the idea that I'm not planning my own life. However, it seems none of my plans have worked out very well so I best listen to what I'm being told. I've also had a great deal of difficulty with PATIENCE. I'm a doer by nature and sitting by and waiting for things to happen just isn't my style.

Yet I am being asked, no....told....to wait. To trust. To have patience.

I am trying to be obedient. It is a very hard road for me. So for now, I am putting away all of my thoughts of Holy Spirit Montessori. If it is meant to be, it will be. I have no ability to control it. What I will do next school year is really up in the air. 

So I will finish out these last two months of my internship, obtain my certification and wait. 

In the meantime my garden is beckoning. I hope to blog more. I have missed it. Perhaps I'll go back to sewing a few things. We cleaned out the sunroom in preparation for some updates and are still planning to do a few of those in the next few months. 

And I'll continue to trust. To trust that the Lord has a plan for me. He didn't make me a worker for naught. How I will work for him over the long term is unknown. I will do the little things I can every day. Love, trust, study and pray.

Saturday, April 6, 2013

Moving ever forward....

I've spent the last several months trying to work out a way to open a little preschool at my parish of St. Mary's. I really have felt the hand of the Holy Spirit at work in it. Unfortunately, there were quite a few issues keeping the dream from happening. I thought all the work and preparation were, not wasted, but to be put aside for a time. I looked into getting a job at the local Montessori schools. Neither have any openings but both want to talk with me in case something comes up in the future. There are two problems with both schools. Now, don't get me wrong, they are both good schools. It's just that I have really felt strongly that I wanted to teach the Catholic faith and I want the school to be affordable. Neither can happen at either local school. 

So I thought I'd just teach for a while, get some experience and continue to plan for my own school. 

Except that I really feel called to something different. I felt almost betrayed by God. That all my (and other's) hard work was for nothing. Then I began to think I could have a little school in our home. That to start small would be best. But still I looked at the hurdles and wondered if I was trying to accomplish this of my own will, not God's.

I prayed and studied and begged God to tell me what he wants for me. It came to me one day while listening to my devotions on the way to work. That I could serve God in whatever I was doing. That if I focused on Him and used the other things of this world to accomplish living for him and helping others to do the same it didn't matter what I was doing. He would bless it all.

I believe that I can best serve Him by teaching about Him! So we are working to ready our sunroom for a class or two of children. We have the birds and the trees and the squirrels and the gardens right out of the window. It is a beautiful spot to learn. It is a transitional space, I think. I can have only 6 students at a time and plan to offer a 3-day and a 2-day class. 

I still have worries. I know that I must put them aside and believe that God will bless this project. If all of the doors close again, then I will walk down another path. For now, the gates are open and we are skipping down the Yellow Brick Road!
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