Thursday, August 29, 2013

Working on 21




There's been an article going around facebook that is supposed to be written by a newly divorced man talking to men about how they should be treating their wives. I've only seen women sharing the post and, to be honest, I doubt that it was really written by said man. I'm not saying that it's a bad article. Not at all. What I think we need to remember is that marriage is a two way street. It takes two to tango and all of that. 

It got me thinking about my own marriage and my husband. We'll be married for 21 years this December. I can barely realize that I'm over 21 myself, let alone that my marriage will be this old! Time does march on. So I got to thinking about all the reasons I love being married to Mike. I think when we focus on the positives (because we all know there are negatives) we can keep this marriage thing going.....and keep it going passionately! 

So here are a few of the things I love about my husband. There are lots more, but for time's sake, I kept it to the things I could think of within a few minutes.

  • Always calm. My husband gets calmer the moment anyone around him gets more agitated. Since I'm easily agitated, this comes in handy.
  • Talented. Most people think Mike's musical prowess is the thing that first attracted me to him. Not so. However, having an uber-talented musician as a husband makes me strive to ensure he uses these gifts to their fullest. 
  • Always positive. Mike is such a quiet person (until you really know him) but he really has kept a positive spin on our family life. Especially with our children. Having a child with a major disability has been a very hard life lesson for me. Mike's perspective on it has always been positive. Very Montessori, in fact. He is the Ying to my Yang.
  • Space giving. Especially when the kids were young and I was a stay-at-home-mom-who-needed-time-to-herself. Mike was always more than happy to let me leave the second he came home from a hard day at work so I could unwind at Barnes and Noble or Borders with a cup of coffee until the kids were bathed and bedded. He was always chipper when I arrived home and always awake to spend a little time with me.
  • A Listener. I guess this is the thing I first fell for. Mike is such an introvert and quiet thinker that he is happy to let the other person spout off! Although I'm not really an extrovert, I'm more-so than he. I need to talk to process and my husband is always available to listen. 
  • Puts our marriage ahead of our children. When our kids were little I was a little bit miffed by this. Now that they are almost adults, I appreciate this about him. He has always known that we would need to have a relationship in the years after our boys were adults. He was always a loving father but never put their needs completely above those of our marriage.
  • A loving father. When we were dating, I knew I could not marry someone who had an aversion or an indifference to children. I watched carefully how he interacted with my nieces and nephews. He was, of course, wonderful with them. He is sometimes so child-like himself that he has no qualms interacting with children and teens wherever their development happens to lie. He's so much better at it than me, to be honest!
  • He does the dishes and the laundry and the grocery shopping and makes dinner. He never EVER complained when he came home and I DIDN'T do the dishes or the laundry (or when supper wasn't ready). He doesn't put the dishes where they belong, my clothes aren't always folded or put where I like them and I'm not always thrilled with his dinner plan. Do I tell him this? NO! (ok, not usually). How nice is it to have dinner planned after a day at work? It is nice! I'm thankful for what is done, not ungrateful for how it is done. 
  • He's happy to let me do my thing. He didn't blink an eye when I quit my job and started a new career path despite the fact that it would put us in a financial bind. He is always supportive of my endeavors. He doesn't need us to always do the same things. We give each other space but continue to enjoy the time we have together (even if that time is together but doing our separate thing). 
  • Every morning before we wake up he turns to put his arm around me. We aren't really awake. We know we should be getting up but we aren't. His first thought: me. Love that.
  • Did I mention he's just so damn sexy with that upright bass? Sorry for the expletives but....well, he is.
There are so many more reasons. Some are big, some are small. We will be married 21 years in December. It seems like such a short time until I count the years. In other ways I can't really remember life without him. I think we have always been like this. 

Have these 21 years always been easy? No. But sometimes, yes. 

I am so looking forward to the next 21 years. Sometimes I feel guilty for imagining life together without the kids and their activities and needs. Other times I can't wait. For if we can enjoy ourselves without our children it means we have raised them well. To hold on to them, and be unable to focus on our marriage is unhealthy, I think. 

Take some time today to think about why you love your spouse. Ignore the things that bug you and focus on the good parts of your marriage. Talk to each other tonight after the kids go to bed (YES - make them go to be early enough so you can do this without falling asleep). Enjoy each other's company. Remember why you are good together.

Saturday, August 24, 2013

Dead but Life-giving









I'm probably one of the few people in my neighborhood, possibly my township, who doesn't deadhead my flowers when they die. I tend to leave my daisies, sunflowers, coneflowers, black-eyed Susan's and the like out all winter in their dead state. 

I don't do it because I'm lazy. I don't do it because I think it looks good in my yard. 

I do it because it feeds the birds.

Already my sunflowers are looking un-magazine worthy. Every day I see the birds over at the flowers picking at them and flying to the roof of our sunroom which is right outside my sewing room window. There I see them eating their pickings. I've seen the Cardinal 'daddies' (as we call the males) call to their female mates to share their meal. I've seen different species fight over the morning's pickings. 

The cat has taken up residence on my sewing table which is right in front of this window. The sheer volume of birds outside that window is too appealing for her instinctive cat-ness!

I've been thinking about other things in our lives that may seem ugly and dead but that actually are life-giving. 

It tends to be the ugly and the tired and the dead that teach us the most important things in life. How do we know the glory of love if we've never seen hate? How do we learn the value of peace if we've never been in the midst of war? How do we learn the character building that happens when we persevere through difficulty if we don't directly experience it?

So as I see the birds gather around my dying garden, I thank God for the difficulties in life, for the ugliness, the sorrow, the pain that ultimately show us the joy of love, peace and joy. The spring colors after the fall and winter of brown.

Wednesday, August 21, 2013

Printing Fabric





I first saw the book Printing By Hand by Lena Corwin many years ago. Printing on fabric has always intrigued me so when I saw this book and how easy it could be I thought I'd like to try it someday. Fast forward to about a year ago when I again saw the book at a fabric shop. I bought it on impulse because it was 1/2 off and proceeded to put it on a shelf for another year. This year I took it along when we went camping and read it from cover to cover. 

Yesterday I found myself with a little extra time and decided to experiment with making a freezer paper stencil. I'm not much of an artist so drawing something and then cutting it out isn't my best skill. I have to say I am pleased with the way it came out. I found this little wallet pattern in a Stitch magazine (sitting on the shelf.....of course) and whipped it up this morning.

I'd like to try to print enough fabric for a baby quilt next. I think I'll stick with geometrics since that's about the extent of my drawing ability! The book covers stamping, stenciling and silk screens. I hope at some point to give them all a try. It may be next summer until I get to it however!

Happy Wednesday.

Tuesday, August 20, 2013

Slow Day at Home


















It was a nice, slow, day here at home. The days are getting shorter and the crickets and cicada are singing almost all day long. The garden continues to ripen and the flowers to bloom. There was a rhythm to the day that was soothing and calm. 

Monday, August 19, 2013

Uncertainty




One week until school begins. For the boys, that is. Today both boys received their pay-stubs in the mail. I'm more than thrilled that they both have paying jobs. I can't even tell you how praise-worthy it is that our Nathan has a job. He's so HAPPY. We are so happy. I'm thrilled to be a chauffeur in this capacity. And, believe me, chauffeur I am. So I guess it is also praise-worthy that I am unsettled in my occupation. 

For without this lack of occupation, I would not be so free to chauffeur the boys around and to be available for marching band uniform fittings and fall play costume making and our parish Catechesis of the Good Shepherd creating. 

Yet...I feel a little unsettled

I know, I know....be ye not of this world. How hard I find this command.

So I plod on each day. I'm a worker. I get it from my parents, surely. I work. I'm so thankful for my friend Amy and her business. She is in need of my services. Who knew knowing how to sew would come in handy one day when our family was in need of a little extra income?

So I'm sewing dolls. I actually am loving every minute of the doll making. To bring something to "life" that has a little personality. I think I'm discovering that I like to have new and different projects to work on all the time. I guess it's the ADD in me.

Yet I'm surrounded by so much TALENT. I'm constantly amazed at my husband's ability to play ANYTHING and EVERYTHING that is put before him. I'm so thrilled that he has had a lot of opportunity this summer to branch out and to learn new things. I've rarely seen him PRACTICE as much as this summer in our 20 years of marriage. It is glorious. 

It comes back to me every day. Where do you want me, Lord? 

I'm waiting patiently. I live in this world of things that requires money and transportation and frankly, food. 

Yet, I know it is all beyond the eyes of this world. What did St. Paul say about 'now seeing through a mirror darkly?' 

How I long to 'see through the mirror clearly.' We all know that hindsight is 20/20. Having never had 20/20 vision, I've always wondered about that saying. Even in eyesight I'm a freak. I wear no glasses but yet have never seen clearly from both eyes. Perhaps this is a metaphor for my life. 

So I know that I am different. I know that I do not live as others live. Yet I know that I do not know the Lord's plan for my life. So I continue to run the race, to fight the good fight.

I am daily thankful, grateful, humble, contrite and prayerful. May your day be filled with the joy of the Lord.

Friday, August 16, 2013

More end of summer doldrums







I'm still lamenting the end of the summer. My garden is starting to die off, especially the squash vines. I've harvested onions and potatoes and just today cut off the first of the butternut squash. I always plant it a little early but it seems to be no worse for it. 

My dahlia's have been blooming all summer. This was my first experience with them. I was appalled when I saw the price of one plant. I had no idea it bloomed so proficiently for so long. Now it seems it was quite a bargain. I'll definitely have to buy a few more next year. 

Band camp has started and the cicada are singing. These are sure signs that the end of summer is approaching and the school year will begin. It's funny, I'm usually really ready for school to start but for some reason I wish it were a few more weeks off this year. I'm just not ready. 

Yet time waits for no man. So I guess we'll start looking for the binders and the backpacks and making sure the uniforms are clean and pressed and ready for another adventure. Nathan will be attending a half day culinary program and Nolan will be competing in his first marching band competitions. Good stuff.

I'm going to enjoy this one last weekend and pretend we've got all the time in the world. Which, I guess, we do depending on how we spend that time. 

Here's hoping you have a peaceful weekend as well.

Monday, August 12, 2013

Late Summer









I just wanted to check in here to let you know what I've been up to. I spent so much of the summer trying to make my school a go only to have it fizz out for now. I'm at peace with that and have moved on to some other projects. I have had a job interview at a local Montessori school and am pretty sure of a part time position there. I'm focusing on building the Atrium for the Catechesis of the Good Shepherd program at our parish. It is a lot of work but coming together nicely. In addition, my good friend Amy has asked if I would do some sewing for her shop, Fresh Vintage by Amy. I've been working on buntings and doll making.

Last week we went on a little vacation to Cape Henlopen. We love to camp and the boys love the beach so Cape Henlopen is the perfect vacation spot (especially since we are ALWYAS on a budget). We stayed a bit longer than usual and I forgot my bathing suit! It was very relaxing and fun. I had a great time with my camera (400+ photos) and reading without feeling guilty and sitting by the fire. The weather wasn't great for the beach (which is why is wasn't too terrible that I forgot to pack my suit) and we went mini golfing one day. We also went on a terribly buggy hike one day which adds to our fun-after-the-fact-story-telling-adventure. We had the same experience last year. 

We've got about two weeks left to the summer. I always feel bitter-sweet about this time of year. The boys are getting so grown up and summer is such a change of pace from the rest of the year. I feel I haven't enjoyed a summer for about 3 years. I'm hopeful that next year (which is the last summer before Nathan graduates) will be a summer without any craziness! I'm settling into the idea of working part-time as a Monessorian, working part-time as a crafter and having time to spend on my family as they are finishing up their childhoods!

I hope your summer is winding down nicely and giving you some time to relax and reflect. Have a blessed evening.
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