Hello there. It's been a while since I've posted. I've been busy. Busy working toward what I thought was the leaning of the Holy Spirit. It seems the work I was doing was not toward the end I imagined. Of course, God works in His own time and with His own agenda in mind. He, of course, has our best interest at heart. I have been a control freak for most of my life and thought I was in charge of what was happening in my life. At 43 I now know that that is not the case. Frankly, I don't want it to be the case. I want to do the will of our Father. It isn't always very easy to discern that will. As I live and love and learn, I find that my grasping at the Holy Spirit leads me in ways I could never have imagined.
I have tried to follow the leading of the Holy Spirit: to follow my desires and passions (because, frankly, where else do those passions come from but the Holy Spirit?) only to realize that I was learning something I needed to learn and doing what I needed to do but for a totally different end than I imagined.
The Lord leads us to His will in strange and circuitous fashions. But He leads us there as we need to be lead. He's so cleaver, really! He puts people and places and situations in our paths to teach us and to lead us where He needs us.
It's been a hard few weeks.
- We've had to put down a beloved pet (after spending a fortune trying to heal him).
- We've had a close friend struggle with an unimaginable illness that almost claimed her life and then her limb only to begin the healing process.
- We've had the death of two parishioners, the parents of four amazing children (ages 11-18) that has left our faith community reeling in grief.
- We continue to struggle to assist our disabled son as he enters adulthood. To help him to become a self-sufficient adult with few available services.
- We've had to take a hard look at our finances and make some hard decisions about our employment situations.
I feel blessed through it all.
Recently, someone talked about my unwavering faith. That my faith was so different than her own.
I think that looking from without, often the faith that is seen is not understood completely. Everyone's perspective is unique. We all come from different backgrounds. All of these things impact our faith.
My favorite Bible verse is the statement of the Roman Centurion: Lord, I believe. Help my unbelief.
I think that sums up my experience so far. I have so many questions that go unanswered. I love the Catholic Church and the Liturgy and the Bible. Yet at the same time I question so many things in all three.
So I continue to pray and to read and to learn.
What an amazing journey we are on. Each experience leads us to new relationships and experiences and journeys. God knows. We do not.
I challenge you today to allow that journey to take place. Let go of your control. Ponder the places that God is taking you. You won't regret it. Will it be easy? No! Will it be worth it? Yes.
Let Go and Let God.